*Do-Overs*

Not too long ago, I was talking to a couple of people about "do-overs" - you know, something you might do differently in life if you could go back. One spoke about thinking she would have chosen a different career path. When I thought about what I would "do-over" I didn't think about college or a career or anything like that. My "do-overs" all include relationships w/ family or friends.

After my grandpa had his second stroke he was, basically, a prisoner in his own body. He couldn't move and he couldn't speak, but he was, completely, aware of everything that was going on around him. He lived that way for 16 months before dying in 1995. During those 16 months, I would visit him from time to time, but I never really talked to him because it was uncomfortable to have a one-sided conversation since he couldn't speak. I was in my early twenties and I was immature so I didn't realize what he needed, but, today, 15 years later, I know he needed and wanted that one-sided conversation. He could still hear and he would have loved too listen to me talk...about anything, but I didn't and I regret that. I wish I had told him what a wonderful man I thought he was. I wish I had told him how I LOVED when I came over to his house he would scoot up to the front of his recliner so he could sit up straight and lean forward and really listen and hear everything we had to say - he would sit that way for the entire visit. I wish I had told him that I never forgot the Christmas he pulled me aside to give me a special gift and he said, "Don't tell the others, this is just for you. I love you". I wish I had told him alot of things.

My uncle was only about 12 years older than me - he was my mom's younger brother. After I quit college, I moved back to my hometown and I spent alot of time w/ Bruce. I enjoyed that time - we'd go out to eat, we'd take rides on his motorcycle...stuff like that. I was in a bad place in my life at the time, but he made it easier just by being around. Years later, he married someone that no one was too fond of and, so, I kind of avoided him after that because I didn't want to he around his wife. I wish I had handled things differently. I wish I had been more supportive. I wish I had told him how wonderful he was for adopting her grandchildren and loving them as his own. I wish I had told him how grateful I was for the time he spent with me. He's gone now, and it's too late. I hate that he left not knowing how much I loved him.

I wish I had spent more time w/ my grandma when she was alive. I always thought there was time....I was wrong.

I wish I had tried harder to bond w/ Aubree after we brought her home. She pushed me away so much - she pushed and she pushed. It was so hard to deal with, but she was a baby and I was the adult - I should have had the strength to do more but I didn't know how. I still worry about how that may have affected her.

I wish I had said the "I love yous" and given the hugs instead of just waiting and hoping for them.

I wish I had been a better friend to a few people - they deserved more from me.

I wish I had shared how much it affected my life...my WHOLE life.

I could go on, but you get the idea!

I try to live life differently now so that 2, 5, or 10 years from now I won't feel the need for "do-overs". I'm trying to do better, and that's all I can do.

*RIP*

A couple years ago a sweet, little dog came into our lives - her name was Scarlett. She'd had a rough start in life living in a puppy mill for five years, popping out puppies right and left. She, eventually, went on to live w/ an elderly man for seven years and she was very happy w/ him until he died. She was about to be sent to a shelter when I found out about her and decided to take into our home to live out her final years. Scarlett brought me more joy than I ever could have imagined! I, instantly, fell in love w/ her and I spoiled her rotten because she deserved it to be spoiled!

Scarlett had a darling face and the cutest, little strut! She loved sitting out in the sun and she loved treats!! She didn't sleep under the covers like our other dachshunds - she liked to sleep right next to me...often nose-to-nose.:) She enjoyed going for walks and she loved napping, just as much! She was happy, I could tell, and that made us happy.

Scarlett died today and our hearts are broken. We took her to our cabin and buried her there - she loved being at the cabin! We collected rocks at the beach, decorated her burial site w/ them, and we cried together. Brenna wrote a little something for her and read it to her:

~Scarlie was a good doggie and I loved her, I still do. We are all sad but, remember, she will always be with us. I love you, Scarlett, and I hope you will be happy. But can I ask one favor? Can you wait for us up in heaven? And I will always think of you. Love, Brenna~

Beautiful, isn't it?

RIP, sweet, Scarlett. You will be missed.

*Aubree*

Our little Aubree is 7 years old today. She's really looking forward to her birthday party at Jump Zone - 15 of her friends are coming!

Aubree is such a beautiful, sweet little girl. We are so lucky to have her. I'm looking forward to seeing her enjoy this great day!

*Homeschool Conference*

We attended a homeschool conference for the first time and it was quite an experience. The kids spent a couple days taking a bunch of different classes and the adults took their own classes. I snuck out of two classes and skipped one altogether - the bar was calling my name. It was college all over again!:) Anyway, the girls loved their classes and they had fun swimming. There was, also, a homeschool dance which was probably their favorite part. Aubree entered some drawings into a fair and she really liked having people ask her questions about them. There was a talent show on the last day and Brenna sang Second Hand Rose - she did a great job! Enjoy the pics!

*Homeschool Fun*

We've had alot of fun w/ our homeschool group the last couple of months. We love homeschooling!!!! Enjoy the pics!!

*Frankie*

My nephew is doing great!! His name is Gianfranco Joseph, but we call him Frankie!! He is, absolutely, adorable! Enjoy the pics!

~Chaos~

Our homeschool group is in chaos and I'm so frustrated by it all!!! It's all I've been thinking about for over a week, and I'm drained from the stress. The group has been going good for the last few years but things are going downhill - fast! We (the members) are having some differences of opinions and I just hope we can work it all out. I like most of the moms in the group but I feel like I've, finally, started to connect with a couple of the moms, in particular, which is huge for me. I have a really hard time getting comfortable w/ people - it, literally, takes me years! And I don't want this chaos to affect those new relationships. More importantly, I don't want the chaos to affect my kids. My girls love the other children in this group and they look forward to seeing their friends every week.

Our group has never been perfect but it's been good. We've always been able to reach common ground on whatever issues may come up, but the last couple months it's been different. I understand how it started but I don't understand how it has ended in this huge mess that we have lost control of. I'm afraid things are moving in a direction that I'm not comfortable with and so I'm worried.

The group is planning a meeting to discuss some issues so we'll see what happens. I'm a little nervous about the meeting because I'm not great w/ big groups but Dave will be there w/ me so that makes me feel better. Anyway, I'm sure it will be interesting!