Your life is not lying in wait in the future like a wild animal or some ominous destiny. Nor is it hidden in the heavens, like a paradise or promise. Nor is it shut up in the cave or the prison of your past. It is here and now; it is what you live and what you do. At the heart of being; at the heart of the present; at the heart of everything – in the great current of life, of reality.
Andre Comte-Sponville

Monday, May 9, 2011


I, normally, don't post about stuff like this on my blog, but it is my blog, and I should be able to write about anything - plus, writing is cathartic for me.  So, anyway......

I'm struggling w/ a couple relationships right now, and I'm trying to figure out how to handle it. The issues are not new, but communicating has never been easy, so the cycle just continues.  I want it to stop.  When my feelings get hurt my first instinct is to distance myself, but doing so doesn't really help anything, does it?  I wanted these relationships to be better than what they are.  I've waited and waited (for years) ... hoping for change, but I'm almost 40 years old, and, I think, it's time for me to stop hoping.  Listen, sometimes people disappoint us, but it doesn't have to be all-or-nothing, right?  For so long, I wanted it ALL, and when I didn't get it I'd think - well, I will take nothing because anything less than ALL is just unfair and fake.  Oh, I still want it all - complete trust, complete fairness, complete support, complete love, but people have limits, and I have to learn to accept those limits (for my own sanity).  I'm going to do my best to accept these relationships for what they are, and stop hoping for something that, most likely, will never be.  After all, I know it could be worse.  And I, also, know that I am a needy and overly-sensitive person, so I've always known that I needed....more, but, again, some people can only give so much, so I'm going to try to learn to take what I can get, when I can get it, and sometimes that will more (hopefully), and sometimes that will be less, but, maybe, something is better than nothing, right?