Your life is not lying in wait in the future like a wild animal or some ominous destiny. Nor is it hidden in the heavens, like a paradise or promise. Nor is it shut up in the cave or the prison of your past. It is here and now; it is what you live and what you do. At the heart of being; at the heart of the present; at the heart of everything – in the great current of life, of reality.
Andre Comte-Sponville

Sunday, November 6, 2011

**No Baby Photos**

Today, Aubree saw baby photos of Brenna, Dave, and myself, and then she asked, "Where's my baby picture?" - this is the first time the topic has come up since we brought her home 7+ years ago, and it broke my heart to have to tell her that we don't have infant pictures of her.  She, immediately, walked out of the room, and I followed her to find she had tears rolling down her cheeks.  I swear, my heart stopped for a second because I knew there was nothing I would be able to say to make her pain go away.  It's normal to want to know what you looked like when you were born.  It's something we're all curious about, but it's something my daughter will never know.  We can give Aubree some basic facts about her first sixteen months of life - the city and country she was born in, the name of her birth mother, and the name of the orphanage she lived in, and, hopefully, one day, this information will fill in some blanks for her, but the fact that she has no baby photos is something I can never fix.  I hate that there will always be missing pieces in her life.