Your life is not lying in wait in the future like a wild animal or some ominous destiny. Nor is it hidden in the heavens, like a paradise or promise. Nor is it shut up in the cave or the prison of your past. It is here and now; it is what you live and what you do. At the heart of being; at the heart of the present; at the heart of everything – in the great current of life, of reality.
Andre Comte-Sponville

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

** Arkansas & Branson, MO Trip**

I took the girls to my parents house in Arkansas, and we took a quick trip to Branson, MO, too. Fun was had by all!:)

**Birthday Fun**

I forgot to post pictures of Aubree's birthday party at Jump Zone. Enjoy! Click on pics to enlarge!

**My Sister**

I love my sister, Nikki, and, a great thing, I really like her, too! It wasn't always that way - growing up we fought alot. It wasn't until my college years that we started to become closer, and today, at the ages of 36 and 38, our relationship is rock solid. She is one of the few people in this world that I am 100% comfortable with. She knows me and totally gets me - the good and the bad. She knows what makes me happy and she knows what makes me sad. And she doesn't give a crap that I'm totally neurotic - she loves me anyway.:)

Nik is always there for me. I dealt with secondary infertility for three years, and Nikki always, somehow, knew what to say and what NOT to say. It was one of the hardest times of my life, but she made it easier and I've never forgotten that.

She knows me so well, and that feels good. She knows when I need her, and I love that. I remember, one time, I was at home watching The Rosie O'Donnell Show - I can't remember exactly what it was about, but it was a touching or sad story. Nikki, coincidentally, was at home watching it, too. She knew I watched the show, and she called me and said, "I know, you're crying right now!", and she was right, I was! It's the little things like this that, for me, make our relationship special.

My sister is selfless. I wish she would worry more about herself, or ask for help more when she needs it, but that's just not her way. She goes above and beyond for others. She's a great mother, sister, girlfriend, daughter, aunt, and friend - we are all lucky to have her.

Nik and I have fun together. I really enjoy her company, and I always look forward to hanging out w/ her. Unfortunately, we don't get to spend as much time together, as I would like. She has alot on her plate - she's a single mom to her two boys, Nic and Luc. And she and her boyfriend, recently, had a baby. Plus, she works full-time. Also, she volunteers for Big Brothers Big Sisters. Oh, there's a bunch of stuff she's busy with, so she doesn't have much free time. So, I miss her, and I, often, look forward to the day when we're old and gray (but still wonderfully fabulous) and we have all the time in the world to hang out and just talk, talk, talk.

I found these great quotes:

There can be no situation in life in which the conversation of my dear sister will not administer some comfort to me. - Mary Montagu

Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other. - Carol Saline

When mom and dad don't understand, a sister always will. - Author Unknown

To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time. - Clara Ortega

Friday, April 16, 2010

*Water Fun*

The girls had a great time outside today playing in the water, and I had a great time watching them. This is what life is all about for me - spending times w/ my girls. I wouldn't trade it for anything - nope, not anything!! Our days are spent eating together, playing together, learning together - yep, almost everything we do is together. I try to never forgot how lucky I am to be witnessing so much of their lives. I can't imagine them being gone attending school for nearly eight hours a day. Their childhood is so precious....and so short! I am so grateful to have this time with them.

FYI - Click on the pictures to enlarge!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


Not too long ago, I was talking to a couple of people about "do-overs" - you know, something you might do differently in life if you could go back. One spoke about thinking she would have chosen a different career path. When I thought about what I would "do-over" I didn't think about college or a career or anything like that. My "do-overs" all include relationships w/ family or friends.

After my grandpa had his second stroke he was, basically, a prisoner in his own body. He couldn't move and he couldn't speak, but he was, completely, aware of everything that was going on around him. He lived that way for 16 months before dying in 1995. During those 16 months, I would visit him from time to time, but I never really talked to him because it was uncomfortable to have a one-sided conversation since he couldn't speak. I was in my early twenties and I was immature so I didn't realize what he needed, but, today, 15 years later, I know he needed and wanted that one-sided conversation. He could still hear and he would have loved too listen to me talk...about anything, but I didn't and I regret that. I wish I had told him what a wonderful man I thought he was. I wish I had told him how I LOVED when I came over to his house he would scoot up to the front of his recliner so he could sit up straight and lean forward and really listen and hear everything we had to say - he would sit that way for the entire visit. I wish I had told him that I never forgot the Christmas he pulled me aside to give me a special gift and he said, "Don't tell the others, this is just for you. I love you". I wish I had told him alot of things.

My uncle was only about 12 years older than me - he was my mom's younger brother. After I quit college, I moved back to my hometown and I spent alot of time w/ Bruce. I enjoyed that time - we'd go out to eat, we'd take rides on his motorcycle...stuff like that. I was in a bad place in my life at the time, but he made it easier just by being around. Years later, he married someone that no one was too fond of and, so, I kind of avoided him after that because I didn't want to he around his wife. I wish I had handled things differently. I wish I had been more supportive. I wish I had told him how wonderful he was for adopting her grandchildren and loving them as his own. I wish I had told him how grateful I was for the time he spent with me. He's gone now, and it's too late. I hate that he left not knowing how much I loved him.

I wish I had spent more time w/ my grandma when she was alive. I always thought there was time....I was wrong.

I wish I had tried harder to bond w/ Aubree after we brought her home. She pushed me away so much - she pushed and she pushed. It was so hard to deal with, but she was a baby and I was the adult - I should have had the strength to do more but I didn't know how. I still worry about how that may have affected her.

I wish I had said the "I love yous" and given the hugs instead of just waiting and hoping for them.

I wish I had been a better friend to a few people - they deserved more from me.

I wish I had shared how much it affected my WHOLE life.

I could go on, but you get the idea!

I try to live life differently now so that 2, 5, or 10 years from now I won't feel the need for "do-overs". I'm trying to do better, and that's all I can do.

Sunday, April 11, 2010


A couple years ago a sweet, little dog came into our lives - her name was Scarlett. She'd had a rough start in life living in a puppy mill for five years, popping out puppies right and left. She, eventually, went on to live w/ an elderly man for seven years and she was very happy w/ him until he died. She was about to be sent to a shelter when I found out about her and decided to take into our home to live out her final years. Scarlett brought me more joy than I ever could have imagined! I, instantly, fell in love w/ her and I spoiled her rotten because she deserved it to be spoiled!

Scarlett had a darling face and the cutest, little strut! She loved sitting out in the sun and she loved treats!! She didn't sleep under the covers like our other dachshunds - she liked to sleep right next to me...often nose-to-nose.:) She enjoyed going for walks and she loved napping, just as much! She was happy, I could tell, and that made us happy.

Scarlett died today and our hearts are broken. We took her to our cabin and buried her there - she loved being at the cabin! We collected rocks at the beach, decorated her burial site w/ them, and we cried together. Brenna wrote a little something for her and read it to her:

~Scarlie was a good doggie and I loved her, I still do. We are all sad but, remember, she will always be with us. I love you, Scarlett, and I hope you will be happy. But can I ask one favor? Can you wait for us up in heaven? And I will always think of you. Love, Brenna~

Beautiful, isn't it?

RIP, sweet, Scarlett. You will be missed.

Thursday, April 8, 2010


Our little Aubree is 7 years old today. She's really looking forward to her birthday party at Jump Zone - 15 of her friends are coming!

Aubree is such a beautiful, sweet little girl. We are so lucky to have her. I'm looking forward to seeing her enjoy this great day!